When your married, you should try your best to never go to bed without a kiss. Ukiah and Felecia Senti

24 hours. That is the longest I have ever gone without talking to my husband. Ok, to clarify, I mean after a fight in which he is residing in the same country, state and/or home.

When we have our verbal misfires, it is usually over money, my lack of verbal skills, retirement location, or the kids. Never over something fun like the best football team, best political candidate, best restaurant, or best olive oil!

We have many similar likes, or maybe I have just been taken over to his dark side. (although I still refuse to this day to eat anything from Taco Bell)! I have at times been considered subservient, I guess because I rub Kiah's feet almost daily when he is home. But, I have a great husband, now he hasn't always been great. I helped mold him into the wonderful man that he is today. (okay stop choking!!) Here's the real deal:

We were out of high school when we met. I would sit next to Kiah and listen to him dream. He could verbalize things that I had always wanted to say, but could never muster up the voice. I grew up with 5 brothers and sisters, tons of extended family and friends so trying to get a word in edgewise was difficult. My sisters used to say that once I started talking I would never shut up. That was because I was always worried that I wouldn't have any other opportunities to speak! Anyway, If Kiah was speaking or laughing, you could tell. Particularly his laughter, it was contagious and you could notice faces everywhere erupting into smiles!

After we "eloped" and were finally living together at Fort Bragg, NC (see picture from 1988) I had a cold hard dose of a reality marriage. YUCK! We had our good times, but NC was mostly yuck! If it wasn't for my boss and his encouragement, I doubt I would have stayed married. Well, actually, my Dad also told me a few years into the marriage: "you married him, you're going to stay married to him!" How unfair was that!

Married life was rough. He had his military crowd, I had my civilian crowd and we never quite found that happy medium. We didn't go the traditional wedding route, so we didn't have the really cool gifts to supplement our kitchen or living arrangements. We rented furniture and slowly formulated a plan to buy a few things. It was rough. I think I said that already! We definitely had more than one moment in which we thought... "what on earth did we do"? I guess we knew deep down that we loved one another and when we fought, we always made sure we gave each other a kiss before we went to sleep.

It might be me giving Kiah a smooch on the cheek with a forced "I love you". Or him kissing my forehead with a look of contempt, I even remember giving him a kiss on his shoulder once, grabbing his pillow, the sheet and blankets, and going to the couch! We always give each other a kiss, why? Because no matter how horrid the argument is, or what ridiculous topic we have our differences on, we love each other.

Who ends the argument? It varies depending on the topic. If he is angry at me, I end it, if he starts it, he ends it and visa versa. It is never about winning the argument... okay not always true... but I think the arguing helps us reach a higher level of understanding. Sure there may be some mudslinging, Kiah looovvves the use of 4 letter words, and I can't stand them, but I do enjoy the phrase: "you are such an a----le"! My answer to an argument is usually just to shut up. If I am mad, I shut up, or maybe I shut down, but I don't like confrontation. So, after 21+ years of marriage my key phrase is still pretty standard. We have learned the importance of arguing, we know that it is not the be all, end all of our relationship and that we need them from time to time to put our life together in some sort of perspective.

I don't think there is anything wrong with arguing, as long as there is an end to it, and it is productive in that it solves an issue. Obviously arguing without a real purpose, or to mask greater issues is unproductive. Arguing should help open lines of communication, provided of course no one has any weapons or that fist fights don't break out.

Make up sex.. well, sure that can be an outcome. I don't think married couples should fight just to make up, I do enjoy the big huge hug after an argument. I think sometimes, to be honest I may give in (though this is rare) just to get a hug!

I saw on the news this morning that some genius has said that the human touch is important to our health! duh! That is why we hug our children, or hold their hands or mess up their hair when they are too big for hugs! The touch! Marriages are the same. We need that human touch to connect. So your assignment for the day: Go give your spouse, best friend, or significant other a hug and kiss their cheek.

Remember one kiss before you go to bed, just one, can make a difference!